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Анекдоты Пятницы

В салоне сотовых телефонов:
— Мне, пожалуйста, гарнитуру «хэнд-фри». Самую дешёвую.
— К чему подключать будете?
— Ни к чему. Я сам с собой вслух люблю разговаривать. Мне нужно, чтобы меня за идиота не принимали.

******

Районы называются теперь – спальными! Люди приходят туда только поспать, а уходят, чтобы оплатить квартиры в этих спальных районах. Они спят, потому что устали работать, а работают, чтобы оплатить то место, где спят.

******

Рыбак рассказывает приятелям:
— Как-то раз кончилась у меня на рыбалке наживка. И вдруг на земле я заметил ужа, из пасти которого торчала лягушка. Я вынул из него эту лягушку, разрезал на кусочки и стал удить. Но чтобы как-то компенсировать ужику потерю, я достал фляжку и влил ему в пасть несколько капель водки. Прошло немного времени, и я почувствовал, как кто-то трётся о мой башмак. Нагнувшись, я увидел… того же ужа. В зубах у него было три лягушки.

******

Голос снизу:
— Господи, что же за жизнь такая блядская?!
Голос сверху:
— Продлевать будете?

******

Сказал своей девушке, что месячные — это не так уж и больно, как бабы пытаются это представить.
Подскажите, как вытащить маникюрные ножницы из спины?
Руками не достать.

******

Жена заявляет мужу:
— Мне нужно с тобой серьёзно поговорить!
— Ну, ты начинай, а я пока в магазин сбегаю.

******

Когда я ем — я глух и нем. Когда я пью — я более общительный.

******

— Почему есть Черное море, Желтое, Белое, Красное, а Голубого моря нет?
— Почему нет? А Э-гей-ское!

 

Dead End Tragedy — Unearth The Truth

Участники группы:Raphael — VocalsMoshe — BassJulian — GuitarTim — GuitarShorty — DrumsРодной город:NeunkirchenКомпания звукозаписи:BDHW Records…

Источник: Dead End Tragedy — Unearth The Truth

Dose — Bounce Back

Bounce back. Bounce bounce bounce back.

Bounce back. Bounce back. Bounce bounce bounce back.

Bounce back!

Head held high.

It always wasn’t like this

Life’s beat me down but I needed to write this

Its a battle everyday everyday everyday when your head gets in the way (in the way)

Keep your head held high

If home is where these words hit

Know that you’re wroth it

we’ll never be perfect

Cause its a battle everyday when your head gets in the way

and you’re getting use to fake

Yea its never too late bounce back

Bounce back. Bounce bounce bounce back. Bounce back.

We may never be perfect!!!

but we don’t keep our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. We just bounce back.

We don’t hang our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. (Bounce back) Bounce back

If home is where these words hit

Know that you’re wroth it

we’ll never be perfect

but we don’t put heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. (ONE) Bounce back

Gotta do it right

anything you want in your life

turn your half-hearted dreams into sacrifice

cause its a battle everyday everyday everyday

when your head gets in the way (in the way)

You know I always thought that the world was mine (DANGER)

I’m losing my mind (STRANGER)

cause its a battle everyday when your head gets in the way

and you’re getting used to fake

yea its never too late to bounce back.

Bounce back. Bounce bounce bounce back.

We may never be perfect!!

But we don’t put our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. We just bounce back.

We don’t hang our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back (bounce back) Bounce back

If home is where these words hit

know that you’re worth it

we’ll never be perfect

but we don’t put our heads

We just bounce back. We just bounce back (ONE) Bounce back

ONE

We don’t put our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. We just bounce back

We don’t hang are heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. (Bounce back) Bounce back

If home is where these words hit

know that you’re worth it

we’ll never be perfect

but we don’t put our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back.(Bounce back) Bounce back

We don’t put our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. Bounce back

We don’t hang our heads down

We just bounce back. We just bounce back. Bounce back.

Stinky — Perspectives

How this began? Things are burried 

Everything seems shady now 

I remember a promise I made years ago 

I lie to a promise I made years ago 

Lost, fear, down 

I failed to change myself 

Lost, fear, down 

Road leads nowhere 

Still facing my demons 

Feeling their breath 

hearing their voices 

Road leads nowhere 

Still facing my demons 

Feelings their breath 

hearing their voices 

Can’t remember all the choices I made 

For the better or for the worst 

I can live with my sins 

I’ve learnt to live with 

But memories, but memories remain 

Road leads nowhere 

Still facing my demons 

Feelings their breath 

hearing their voices 

Road leads nowhere 

Still facing my demons 

Feelings their breath 

hearing their voices 

I can’t stop thinking about that again and again 

I became the one, I never wanted to be 

Page is marked when things fall apart 

The story is not over I must move on I must move on

Moscow Death Brigade — Finland 2016 Tour Report

A video report for Moscow Death Brigade’s first ever tour in Finland in September 2016.

Touché Amoré — Rapture

«Rapture» by Touché Amoré from the album ‘Stage Four,’ available 9/16!

Descendents — Testosterone

Участники группы:

Karl Alvarez — Bass

Stephen Egerton — Guitar

Bill Stevenson — Drums

Milo Aukerman — Vocals

Tony Lombardo — Bass

Frank Navetta — Guitar

Ray Cooper — Guitar

Doug Carrion — Bass

Cover Your Tracks — Striking Matches

I walk the world by myself. I got this soul that I can’t sell. Casting stones again like you want. Like the empty heart left in my chest. I’ll leave you here. I’m too far gone. This is moving on. I don’t wanna be (I don’t wanna be). I don’t wanna be the reason you can’t feel anymore. I can’t see you. I can’t breathe. In the back of your car, you made me believe. I’m the failure . And the disease.

I’m the con to your score. Just a pawn on your board. I walk the world by myself. Striking matches just to watch them burn. I’ve got a soul that I can’t sell in Hell I’m running out. I can’t see you. I can’t breathe. In the back of your car, you made me believe. I’m the failure and the disease. I’m the con to your score. Just a pawn on your board. (Oh oh oh whoa, Oh oh oh whoa). I’m the con to your score. Just a pawn on your board. (Oh oh oh whoa, Oh oh oh whoa). Just a pawn on your board. I don’t wanna be. (You don’t have to be). I don’t wanna be this man anymore. I can’t see you. I can’t breathe. In the back of your car, you made me believe I’m the failure and the disease. I’m the con to your score. Just a pawn on your board. (Oh oh oh whoa, Oh oh oh whoa) I’m the con to your score. Just a pawn on your board. (Oh oh oh whoa, Oh oh oh whoa) Just a pawn on your board. I walk the world by myself. I got this soul that I can’t sell.

All Time Low — Take Cover

Участники: Alex Gaskarth, Jack Barakat, Rian Dawson, Zack Merrick

Жанр: Pop-Punk

Родной город: Towson, Maryland